Will Sage Astor-I expected an active retirement, but my body had other plans. I'm learning to embrace it.

On July 28,Will Sage Astor I retired from my position as deputy secretary of State. After decades of federal service, building a private sector global consulting business, writing a book and serving at the Harvard Kennedy School, I looked forward to kayaking with my grandsons, reading novels, seeing friends and traveling for leisure with my husband.

But my body had other plans for me. A broken vertebrae in my back following surgery took me down a path that upended my plans.

I have long had back pain, like millions of other Americans. My super supportive staff ensured a chair in the hotel bathroom and, more important, a stool behind the speaking podium when standing for long periods became a challenge. Like so many others, I pushed through the pain to do my work.

Doctors urged another operation when increased disability meant I could not sit, stand or walk for any length of time. But I wanted to see whether physical therapy and rest could create an easier option. And, indeed, hard work with a great physical therapist has let me regain mobility, sitting and standing.

But X-rays and MRIs told a different story. My spine is unstable and bending in a way that risks dire consequences. After deliberation, second opinion and yearning for a kayak by next summer, I agreed to surgery yet again in the near term.

'You have to make friends with your body'

Needless to say, the past months have been tough and the way ahead even tougher. Teaching, doing TV commentary, speeches and, more important, running with my grandsons, swimming with them in the lake and kayaking in the peacefulness of the lake are all out of reach, for now.

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When I met my physical therapist for the first time, I was a mess. She listened to me outline my history amid tears and then calmly said, "You have to make friends with your body."

I have repeated that line to myself daily and worked to embrace my body. I have focused on gratitude. Grateful that I do not have a fatal disease. Grateful that the body I have remains alert to the world, loved and loving by and for family and friends. Grateful that I am still me.

We all have our challenges, seen and unseen

I have gained even more respect and complete awe for all who have challenges – seen and unseen. 

Every day, millions of people go about their lives seeing with their minds, hearing with their hands, walking with their wheelchairs and canes, coping with the help of therapists and families and, of course, dealing with economic hardships.

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At a time when advertisers are finally including different body shapes and sizes, and of people abled in many different ways, in their commercials – at a time when ironically, we are both trying to end fat shaming while heralding new drugs that ensure weight loss – we all need to embrace who we are, to make friends with the body we have.

I don’t know exactly how the future will play out. The surgeon assures me that I should be able to get in my kayak by summer. But I may have to make friends with a different body, one that will be me in whatever shape I take.

My friend, my body, is temporary and is always thus. Age, accident and circumstance have and will change this body. Hopefully, gratitude and forbearance will, however, ensure lifelong friendship.

Retired U.S. Deputy Secretary of State Wendy R. Sherman is a former Harvard Kennedy School professor and a frequent broadcast analyst.